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An Opera's Opera
An Opera's Opera
By Mena Kamel and Laurence Padua
The Lord/The Cat (TENOR)
Solomon (MEZZO-SOPRANO)
Pussy (SOPRANO)
Coco Chasnel (MUTE BASS)
Potato (TENOR)
Buckeyez (BARITONE)
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ACT 1: At the edge of Tahrir Square of the people’s revolution, The Lord/The Cat, Solomon, Pussy, Coco Chasnel, Potato, and Buckeyez observe a casserole of “staggering genius.”
The Lord/The Cat (intones): Upon the weekend he shall rain snares, fire and brimstone, and a horrible tempest: this shall be the portion of their cup.
Pussy: Cats will self-recharge. This takes twenty hours in a twenty-four hour cycle.
Solomon (glancing at Coco, nose up in the air): Revolutionary, for the time, borrowing elements of men’s wear and emphasizing comfort over the constraints of then-popular fashion. She “helped” women say good-bye to the days of corsets and other confining garments.
The Lord/The Cat: The god of glory and the god of thunders. The lord is…(Aggravated while hurtling towards pussy who interrupts)
Pussy (yelling): Bringing your new kitten home! Now that the exciting moment has arrived…
The Lord/The Cat: The chances are high…
Potato (visibly shaken, whimpers) But the water…
The Lord/The Cat: The voice of the lord is powerful, the voice of the lord is majesty
Pussy (unfazed)…for both you and your kitten, be aware though, that they may be frightened when you bring hir home, so make sure hir’s safe and secure with plenty of human company until hir has adjusted to hir new surroundings
Potato (crying, now): Many waters…
The Lord/The Cat: The voice of the lord is powerful
Buckeyez (singing to himself): Letters of Lebanon and glory
Pussy (ignoring everyone else): So make sure ze feels safe and secure
The Lord/The Cat: He also makes them shaped like calves
Pussy: ….it is important that you use a carrier to transport your new kitten
The Lord/The Cat (ominously): The voice of the lord expires
Pussy: …as he could easily be frightened by road (glancing at The Lord/The Cat) traffic.
Buckeyez (to himself): Divine a place of fire
Pussy and The Lord/The Cat: (Shouting in unison): DON’T TRY/THE LORD!
The Lord/The Cat: The voice of the lord shapes the wilderness
Buckeyez (still singing to himself): There’s a temple that everybody says
Pussy becomes The Lord/The Cat, drags mute Coco out into the wilderness. The others follow. Pussy/The Lord/The Cat, to Coco: Awaken under the Apple Tree…and here you will sit-- waiting in your own marinating filth
ACT 2: In the wilderness, beyond mass media
Pussy/The Lord/The Cat: I…am a wall
Buckeyez (expressively singing): We will display upon her a battlement of…
Coco Chasnel (apparently, not mute): You can’t drive! And my sack of suckies and my stacks of paper are weighing heavy on my shoulders!
Pussy/The Lord/The Cat: Yeah, but Solomon had a vineyard, doi! Now shut up!
(with one wave of hir hand, Coco is mute again)
ACT 3: Still in the wilderness
(Temperatures rise, and the heat becomes unbearable. Pussy/The Lord/The Cat, removes hir shawl from hir head and fans hirself with hir palms)
Pussy/The Lord/The Cat: gotta hold you
Buckeyez (screaming): bring to a boil and let stand a minute or two, serve with warm milk or orange juice, bring pear juice to a boil in a sauce pan, stir in rolled oats and raisins and cook until thickened. Don’t forget, bring the potatoes to a boil
Potato (shaking): waaaaaaaater
Buckeyez (softly): covered and cooked for twenty or thirty minutes, slabs of butter, (whispers) potatoes
Act 4: Back in Tahrir Square.
Potato and Buckeyez address Pussy/The Lord/The Cat: Lord, who shall abide in thy holy tabernacle?
(The ARIA) Pussy/The Lord/The Cat: He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart. He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbor, nor taketh up a reproach against his hobbies, such as bird watching or studying tropical fish. If you care properly for your tabernacle, it will give you years of loyal service where she got the dress, “My fortune is built on that old jersey that I’d put on because it was cold in Deauville.”
The unseen, unforgettable, ultimate accessory of fashion…that heralds your arrival and prolongs your departure…I am weary of all my groaning. All the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears! And just as their human counterparts, avoid feeding the following foods to your 4 boneless chicken breasts, skinned and ¾ tablespoon seasoned salt: avocado, chocolate, coffee, macadamia nuts, raisins, garlic, 6 slices peppered bacon, 2 tablespoons parsley flakes and 1 – 1 ½ tablespoons vegetable oil. Cover the breast with the cooked bacon."
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